In prior blogs, I have talked to you about work-related loss. My blog on December 30, 2013 was entitled In Memoriam, reminiscent of award shows and ceremonies at year’s end that remember lost people in their industry. I related loss to issues that affect the people in the workplace.
- lost employment
- lost vacation time
- loss of trust
- lost “employment status”
- loss of program
- loss of benefits
- lost paychecks
- lost self esteem and confidence
Job Etiquette would like to talk about another serious loss that is sometimes the most difficult to discuss or handle at work: the death of a co-worker. I have experienced this in my own workplace and it is a devastating loss just as if it were a family member. Our colleagues often become our “work family” and often, we spend more time with them during the week and sometimes weekends than our own family members. We develop working relationships which often become friendships or connections that last through many jobs and sometimes throughout our lives. Whether it is sudden, an accident, or after an illness, death is final and stark. It is shocking and hard to know what to say or do with the exception of feeling very sad, as well as confronting our own mortality.
What do companies do when an employee dies? Many employers have an EAP benefit, which is an employer assistance program. Often they will send a local grief counselor to the place of business and hold company and one-on-one meetings to talk about the person and the shock of the event. Employees can also contact the EAP individually to talk or perhaps find resources to help them. Employees often attend funerals or memorial services and typically, the company will send something to the family offering condolences. I have known companies who arrange for meals for the family or donate to scholarship programs for children or grandchildren. In time, some companies organize a memorial fund or athletic event (a walk, etc.) in honor of the person.
People grieve in different ways, but it is important to allow employees to do that during the work day in order to share feelings. If the person is in a work group, the dynamic will change. The energy will change and most employers will wait until they think about hiring in a new staff member. People often need time to refocus and get back into work mode and that should be expected. Supervisors should help team members understand that it might be hard for them to “work” for a few days. It is also difficult for the supervisor to show empathy and reorganize the work flow.
Another area that can be difficult is for the Human Resources department in the benefits area. When you have to cancel insurance and the reason is your colleague’s death, it is unexpectedly difficult. Status changes usually relate to marriage/separation or relocation, not death. I have found that insurance carriers and customer support employees are usually very compassionate and help you through the process. Talking with family members to help them through these changes can be awkward and sad. Sometimes there is a family member or friend designated by the family to speak with the company. My suggestion is to wait a week or so before you attempt to make that call. You might in fact e-mail to find out if the family is ready to talk. Patience and compassion are necessary for this function.
Whether a company is large, small, public or private, the death of a member of the work family can be devastating . Most importantly, people need to mourn in their own ways and hopefully work in an understanding culture. Moving forward in time, if a new person is eventually hired for the position left vacant, be welcoming. It’s fine to tell them about your co-worker, but let them have a chance to become a new team member rather than having an awkward experience “trying to fill someone else’s shoes”.
We will always remember those colleagues who are gone and we must always move forward with strength.
Talk soon.
Job Etiquette By Paula 